中秋.
一陣莫名的感覺...
用話說不出的感覺
..

...是一種青春走了的感覺.
...是久忘了你我牽手的感覺
..是在4點睡不了

是那種刻骨痛心的感覺,,,,,,
回來了.  一年前 妳的感覺
陪伴著由4點開始寫日記的小子
到現在悉尼5點的心情.
伴上rage 播上的rock music
到5點的.hip pop.
奇怪的搭配. 卻有著特效.

愛不愛,愛,不愛, 根本沒有分別
只要在某個時間. 記起來
記憶會帶你回到過去.

1年了. 不知不覺
但是今天記憶又帶我回到一年前

我不知會持續多幾天.
只是.現在我很想念你.
很想念你. 還是很想你.........
一年前. 雖然只是短短的時間
但是已經足夠..... 多謝你.
最少 多謝你一直忍著我的自私.]


月圓是危險的.......

whats life? i keep asking myself , what am i born for, what i'm chasing in my life.
a high salary job? a great family? br rich?....or a unrealistic dreams..

Sometimes depression can bring you deep think..
the failure of your life, lack of care, jealousy, regratness...

isnt it really need to be rich or good job ,then it's a good life?

everyone have different aspects, why we have to force ourselves to do something we dont like?

why its so hard to dreams come true.?

And now i know, dreams are dreams, dreams is a place you cannot get there but you can see it.
just like we dont know where the place our jesues living , but we heard a lot about heaven.

What's my fate? i really dont know, in this moment i just feel i caught between .

for achie , i;m not study in design group ,i cant go for it.
for aeospace engineering, the physic and maths are a nightmare according to my friend
for industral design ,the same sh*ugar with achie
for being pilot , the school fee is triple of normal one.
for avaition management,  working in airport is my favourite, but its hard to live the life i want.

choice? i have no choice, because the dreams are not exist on real world.

even dreams come true, you still dont feel enough, because we are human, we have endless wants.

later you will found,  furture, just let it be, enjoy everyday you still breathing is much worth it.
study is hard, but compare with working, it's a heaven.
although hongkong is not as romance as greek, but at lease we have our life pattern,
the fast and quick with good quailty are awesome .

every object have 2 sides, sometimes just depend how you think and wt you think..
it's fun to guess, if i can have a good life in hk, will i still looking for my greek?
imagination are always bright, just because it give you the place to retreat. a place for the sucker like me.

 i'm still sinking on my dream and didnt know the big wave is coming on me.

is time to wake up now and try to face the problem, 

Be a Real Man Ruf, you nearly 18 now.. not a child anymore. ....

我雖然已經唔係會考生. 但是放榜同朋友的感覺都令我回憶到當時的感覺
而以下只是有感而發-.....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

一年一度的會考放榜又出爐.
成王敗寇, 
上到岸的自然衣錦還鄉
但是上唔到的一群係唔係發洩下失意.
講下次努力就解決到問題?

我自問唔算天資聰穎 成績一直都係唔上唔落
每次都係幸運加臨場的發揮去過每一關.
雖然上年會考我過唔到. 但是我反而學左一D 係我人生好有意義的野
好實際的野
是的. 人沒有長勝的可能. 但是長敗的人就一直有好多
原因? 就係因為你未準備好.

有人會講.我咩未準備好? 我讀左成年. 玩都冇玩. 波都冇打過.
我付出左. 但是點解會冇收穫. 冇應得的收穫....

之前我都問過E個問題. 但是當時間過去. 從後睇番前的回憶.
你就會發現,你其實又真係用左幾多力去準備?

係嫁.每個人都希望自己成功. 有時仲呃自己等自己好過D..
明知自己LEVEL 唔係好TOP  但是見到自己有1,2個TEST好好.
就講自己去到果個GRADE.  之後再向好的方向一直諗
但是世界就係咁.
想像始終係想像
要真正知道你的情況 最好的唔係做多幾份. 反而係每份做完比朋友改
再由人地同你講你去到邊..

自己同自己講野. 又真係有幾多真話?
好似每年都聽到唔少人一收到result 講會努力.
但是做到的. 又真係有幾多個.

記得睇過一套電影入面的幾句令我印象好深刻
a winner would never say" do his best" on next time
because chance is only one, you lost it, you never get it back"

記得我放完榜之後. 立心去repeat. 但是阿爸堅持要我走.
我問佢點解係都要我走, 佢就同我講.: repeat 左只是代表你浪費左一年"
"係E一年.你學的野冇變過. 環境冇變過. 只是同學同你的年齡有變過
人生學野最快的時間就只有青年的時間.姐係17-20
一過左20 學野就慢左..
係短短的3年.你浪費你最青春的時間.
加上D野學過 你又會唔會真係有你第一次聽咁有興趣?
就算有興趣. 你都會冇左D歡樂 因為你班由中1到中5都一齊的同學都唔係你身邊
機會只有一次. 係正確的時間出現 係正確的地點出現.就要一個識得正確咁握著的人出現.
成功就係咁簡單. 難的係 堅持同自我評估 , 走la. 換一個新環境 新的世界 一切由頭開始la"

講真. 我去左澳洲咁耐. 我真係冇咩後悔到走.除左之前的"妳"
但是而家. 我可以好肯定咁講我做的決定冇錯.

真的. 最後先選擇repeat吧. 係青春的時間學多一點東西吧 見識一下世界 感覺一下青春的狂野同快樂
HEA 係老人先要的.  係有時間 身體又健壯的時候 做多一D 特別的野la.
到左第日老左.睇番自己過去的時間 果種會心微笑,  係世界冇野比到你的一種快樂.
E種就係人追求的野.  天堂其實都好近姐:).


----下列是加強自我意思和加強堅持力的自言自語------------------
goal: GPA >7.3
times left: max 4months
difficulties: sem2 =5stars
suggestion : at lease 2 hours working everyday
selflevel estimate: >GPA6.8

1months increase 0.2 GPA --> increase working hour 1.5 hour


final : working time= >3.5 hours each day